: nurse

When you know, you know. That's what they will tell you. Don't even bother to ponder on this, no amount of stagnant indoor thought will lead you to any major life decision. Maybe go outside and look up, breath into the wind and give back that breath, with effort. Confuse yourself daily, make mistakes and spend less time criticizing yourself for not being better today! Be fine with now, because now is real. Now is your life. Memories are interpreted, Then is shaped by Now. Who cares if your thoughts are unoriginal, life wasn't your idea! Self exploration, motivation, control, feelings, desire, purpose, these are not your ideas! Even your theories about these ideas are not your ideas! And who cares? Only you, as it pertains to yourself.  Stop worrying about most things. It's fun to tell yourself how to live, but what's funny is how much you worry when you don't listen. These are made up rules that only restrict your mind, not your lifestyle. Restriction turns ugly, just listen to the sound of the word in your mouth. Don't restrict anything, you will hinder your output. Even moderation can be dangerous if it's stagnant. Be up and down, try to be healthy and make decent decisions. Don't injure yourself physically, mentally, nothing is a stressor, even real health issues when they become apparent. Nothing heals under pressure.  Prevention shouldn't be an obsession either. You feel better already. Things are only scary or sad if you let yourself feel afraid or blue. The control is a gift, not a tool. Don't even bother to contextualize it. Just roll as best you can, over and under, with what you have right now in this moment, and believe you can almost always be acutely victorious. Make some noise! No need to exert so hard in every area, you will exhaust your resources and burn out. Just chill. Good things will come, but also, now is good. Right now.

: Mathis

The math brain works in a different language, the fuel spent in thought is  numerical energy, a power in transformation.  Proof and correction, the option of checking yourself, rechecking and knowing, from the values, that you are on the right track, getting closer and closer to an answer with help from your experience: the problems you've resolved thus far... Everything you learn how to calculate now you will need in the future, nothing is arbitrary save from the constants, which were actually predetermined by a greater force of truth, like family. The formulas are the same for everyone, but the methods of application will differ.  Do not get caught up in the immediate problem because you will not be able to recognize the larger mistakes you are making.  These errors will accumulate and affect your every move from the time at which you make them. Stop every once in a while and ask yourself, "does this make sense?" and if it does not, work backwards to find the source of error. Do not be discouraged. Calculation errors can, and will, happen to everyone, just be sure to show your work so the rest of the world can try their best to understand your process.  Remember, there are many different ways to arrive at the answer, no one is correct, but one is correct for one, all or none, it's just a matter of probability, really.

: back in the saddle

What matters is the beating heart. Notice when it aches, why, and for how long. Then relinquish control over trying to pinpoint that exact moment when it finally stops. It is an organ that, when under the proper conditions, has the capacity to heal itself just like all of your other organs if you're lucky. Give it time, let it rest, try not to hover and wait because while you watch it struggle other areas are bound to suffer. Neglect is a strong sentiment that spreads like an infection if not caught early.  Be careful what you wish for because Now just might be it! The present gift to be able to imagine a bright future, the conscious, painless now, the awareness, and the gratitude.  We are delicate beings with tough and twisted minds and mending hearts, and despite our resilience, at the end of the day we still care.